Alternate Take

CURSED

by Stanton Kessler

In some ways, I'm just like you. When I listen to music, live or recorded, I want to be moved, thrilled. I need to feel something in my heart and my gut, not just my head. But I am cursed with the finely tuned discerning ear of a musician. I often find myself wishing otherwise. Due to my extensive training, everything is filtered through the high standards to which I hold myself accountable. This condition sometimes gets in the way of enjoying a performance. When everyone else in the room is delighted, I may be cringing inside. The very things that make me a good player can rob me of a good time. It comes with the territory-I'm cursed.

I am anything but a snob. I like all kinds of music. I thrive on everything from country to classical music. What is paramount to me is that any performance be brought forth with honesty, conviction and integrity. Right there, I've eliminated at least half of the music that's available. By honesty, I mean that the music is natural and not contrived. I have to believe that the artist is portraying him/herself as they are and not as some record executive told them to be or as the artist thinks the public wants them to be. Conviction warrants that the artist means what they say and says what they mean. And integrity demands that the player display a level of competency on their instrument that allows them to execute their ideas. I realize that all of these requirements are purely subjective and I do have my own standards.

You see, for me, it's less about what and more about how. In this regard, I do indeed have relatively high expectations. I know, it's crazy, but I want the musicians to play in tune and in time. I want to hear a beautiful or unique tone. But you see, again, I'm cursed. It also helps if they are familiar with the material and conduct themselves in a professional manner. I have a hard time looking past these ingredients in order to enjoy the experience. It's all part of the whole presentation and if one aspect is lacking, my interest immediately starts to wane.

Most non-musicians can't tell you why they like something, they just do. I know why, but that's the issue. Is it important to have a reason or is it enough to just let it be and enjoy? If I could arbitrarily lift the curse for the sake of entertainment, I would. On the other hand, isn't it a good idea to have some kind of quality control? In lieu of Jazz Police, it's left to the public to decide, and they're very tolerant. I know some people in Kansas City who love everything that comes down the pike in this town. Just check out the CD reviews in this very magazine and you'll see what I mean. They read more like glowing ads than real reviews. I'm not one of those people. I'm cursed. On the other hand, a little well placed discernment can be a good thing, don't you think? I not talking about negativity, just a little less gushing.

Music may be one of the only professions where you can be totally lame and still be a star. This is a condition musicians must accept or go crazy. In all honesty, there have been times when I literally wanted to physically kick someone off of the stage, their playing was so atrocious. I feel it is an affront to the musicians who have spent their lives perfecting their craft and have no work to show for it. On the other hand, should all offenses be forgiven if the audience is entertained ? Probably, for, ultimately it's about heart and transcendence. Music should lift us above the daily grind and fill us with joy. However, I'm cursed and I have trouble turning a deaf ear during sonic transgressions. I have found that sometimes the best thing for me to do is just accept mediocrity and walk away.

No one can be trusted except myself. I can't tell you how many times someone has raved about a musician and insisted that I check them out, only to be disappointed and underwhelmed.

You see,one's musical taste is a very personal thing. I learned long ago to never criticize a persons' religion or their choice of music. You're liable to end up in a fist-fight or worse. So, I'll try to not be so hard on myself for being picky. I don't intent to be judgmental, I just know what I like and I won't apologize for it, nor should anyone.

You might think that virtuosity plays an integral role in my assessment process, but you'd be mistaken. I think chops are overrated and sometimes get in the way of the soul of the music. Genius can also impair a performance for me. Being beaten over the head with intellectual psycho-babble is not my idea a good time. Give me something pure, melodic and simple every time. That may sound incongruous coming from a jazzer, but think about the legends in our business and you'll see my point. I wonder if they had to endure the curse. Maybe I share one thing in common with them after all. I wouldn't have it any other way.

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