JAM: April/May 2003 Issue: Sex Sales

...But you already knew that, right?

And if you are a music aficionado, you know that the charms and allures of recording artists, male and female alike, have been exploited for decades as part of the "packaging" process. Nothing new there either.

But it seems that, in recent years -- thanks in part to lookers like Diana Krall and Jane Monheit -- the whole notion of using physical attributes to lubricate (sorry) sales is back on centerstage. (Or centerfold, if that's what wets your whistle.) How would a young Ella do today? Yep, they'd probably assign her a personal trainer.

No matter your thoughts on this sticky subject, what follows is a list assembled from multiple sources (thanks to all who contributed) that contains concepts designed to draw your eyes to something your ears might enjoy later. Each can be viewed, and in many cases still purchased, on the 'net or in stores. (Don't forget to try Music Exchange on Broadway for the vintage stuff.)

Some here also afforded us the chance to have a little fun with this necessary evil in The Biz, and one that, for better or worse, can illustrate how chops and eye candy usually make for compatible bedfellows. (Or sometimes not. Who can forget Chet Baker's withered and mummified face toward the end after once being compared to matinee idol James Dean?)
But here's a troubling thought: What if Jane and Diana were to suddenly run out of ideas for that next sexy CD cover, leaving lechers in the lurch and critics with nothing to say?

Not to worry. As long as what's old can be new again, there will always be the tried and true mountain of whipped cream.

Yes, the music is surely the most important thing, but a dessert topping lovingly applied, and worn with a seductive smile, is timeless.
-- Mike Metheny

Herb Alpert's Tijuana Brass
Whipped Cream & Other Delights
(A&M Records; Peter Whorf Graphics)
38 years later and the original still inspires. (See "Coda")

Ettore Stratta/The Royal Philharmonic
Symphonic Bossa Nova
(Teldec)
It's unlikely the cover model was the Royal Philharmonic's librarian.

Judy Garland
Poor Little Rich Girl
(Recall Records)
"Some-WHERE... over my clea-vage..."

Music for Big Dame Hunters
(Crown Records)
Lock and load.*

I'm in the Nude for Love
(Wonderdrug Records)
Soupy Sales once sang the title song. (Or was that Billy in the 7th grade...)

Time For Love/The Best of Julie London
(Rhino)
There's always time for Julie London. And her album covers were some of the sexiest.

Ann Richards
Ann, Man!
(Atlantic/Rhino/Collectables)
Stan Kenton's band singer (and wife) also did a layout for Playboy in 1960.

Angela Hagenbach
Feel the Magic
(Amazon Records; Hollis Officer, photographer)
KC's popular model/singer has combined both careers with winning results.

Sugar
(CTI)
What this memorable cover had to do with Stanley Turrentine's music we'll never know. (And don't really care to...)

Herbie Mann
Push Push
(Atlantic)
Don't stop! Don't stop!

Gino Vannelli
Storm at Sunup
(A&M)
"I have more chesthair than Herbie Mann..."

Barbra Streisand/Kris Kristofferson
A Star Is Born
(Sony)
"Someday when we're both 60, this will get spoofed in JAM."

Carly Simon
Torch
(Warner Bros.)
Who says one can't be faked?

Frank Mantooth
Sophisticated Lady
(SeaBreeze Jazz; "Wanda" by Ed Paschke)
Beauty is in the 'Tooth of the beholder.

Eliane Elias
...Sings Jobim
(Blue Note)
"Go ahead, push me into the pool, you horny bad-boy jazzer."

Fourplay
Yes, Please!
(Warner Bros.)
Some concepts just speak for themselves.

Harry Connick, Jr.
30
(Columbia)
This well-chiseled hunk has gone on to appear in the movies.

Charlotte Church
Prelude/The Best of Charlotte Church
(Columbia)
Even wholesome teen-age opera singers must show us some skin.

Chris Botti
Midnight Without You
(Polygram)
A photogenic (and "Smooth") young stud who can actually play.

Joshua Redman
(Warner Bros.)
Redman's bright smile goes well with a blazing tenor sax.

Eroica Trio
Pasion
(Angel/EMI Classics)
The esteemed music writer Terry Teachout calls them "Classical Barbie."*

Mike Metheny
Kaleidoscope
(MCA/Impulse; Timothy White, photographer)
MCA's airbrush may have removed the birthmarks and zits, but it couldn't improve the leader's solos.

Dianne Reeves
That Day...
(Blue Note)
Where is Dianne's other hand?

Noa
(Geffen)
Israeli singer Noa gets better acquainted with a happy floor.

Shirley Horn
You're My Thrill
(Verve)
The great Ms. Horn shows that you can still strike a provocative pose at 60-something

"I want you.....
(to buy my music)."
(Photo of Jane Monheit by Lynn Goldsmith)

Diana Krall
The Look of Love
(Verve)
Got a foot fetish? This is your lucky day.