JAM: April/May 2002 Issue: From the Spit Valve

by Mike Metheny

DRIPS & DROPS

Wanker Alert!
Some excerpts from Robert Folsom's review in The Kansas City Star, (Feb. 15) of Pat Metheny's Speaking of Now:

"It's not a good sign when Movie Tunes plays a new Pat Metheny Group song while you're getting your popcorn and waiting for the movie to start." (Maybe you would prefer "the latest smash hit from Celine Dion"?)

"Metheny still insists on using his guitar synthesizer for an annoying trumpetlike sound." (Given a choice between critical bovine scatology and an annoying trumpetlike sound, I'll take the latter. And frequently have.)

"Fans will know this album as Secret Story, Part 2." (Secret Story: an album that also got panned in The Star nine years ago by some other anybody. It went on to win a Grammy and go gold... but what does NARAS know that a sniveling wanker at The Star does not?)

No doubt, Flaubert might have been on to something when he said, "A man is a critic when he cannot be an artist in the same way that a man becomes an informer when he cannot be a soldier." Except in this case, the informer in question conjures up memories of The Wanker Supreme: Scott (may he never again return to these here parts) Cantrell.

It's a new version of biased annoyance that jazz coverage at The Star needs about as much as the world needs another smash hit from Celine Dion.

What Next? A Super Bowl Salute to Auschwitz?
When, as a society and culture, we dumb down to the point where something as horrific as 9/11 can serve as a theme for halftime entertainment at a football game, we're in far deeper doo-doo than we probably want to believe.

Suggested Future Olympic Events
The Kenny Javelin -- No need to describe this event in detail other than to say distance will be more important than accuracy.

The Bolton Speed Mute -- In which the objective is to silence a car radio in the shortest amount of time possible when any song by Michael Bolton is played.

Bad News/Good News/Bad News
Speaking of annoyances and cultural dumb-downs...

Mariah Carey reportedly has pocketed $28 million to not make another record for EMI. But wait; that means she'll never record again, right? No, you say, just not for EMI. And it's only a matter of time, you say, before she releases a new CD on another label that could easily include needlessly embellished, shamelessly mutated, and obnoxiously gospelized versions of "The National Anthems of the World and All-Time Holiday Favorites."

My happy face is now a sad face.

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." -- Hunter S. Thompson






	Search our site:		by Mike Metheny DRIPS & DROPS Wanker Alert! Some excerpts from Robert Folsom's review in The Kansas City Star, (Feb. 15) of Pat Metheny's Speaking of Now: "It's not a good sign when Movie Tunes plays a new Pat Metheny Group song while you're getting your popcorn and waiting for the movie to start." (Maybe you would prefer "the latest smash hit from Celine Dion"?) "Metheny still insists on using his guitar synthesizer for an annoying trumpetlike sound." (Given a choice between critical bovine scatology and an annoying trumpetlike sound, I'll take the latter. And frequently have.) "Fans will know this album as Secret Story, Part 2." (Secret Story: an album that also got panned in The Star nine years ago by some other anybody. It went on to win a Grammy and go gold... but what does NARAS know that a sniveling wanker at The Star does not?) No doubt, Flaubert might have been on to something when he said, "A man is a critic when he cannot be an artist in the same way that a man becomes an informer when he cannot be a soldier." Except in this case, the informer in question conjures up memories of The Wanker Supreme: Scott (may he never again return to these here parts) Cantrell. It's a new version of biased annoyance that jazz coverage at The Star needs about as much as the world needs another smash hit from Celine Dion. What Next? A Super Bowl Salute to Auschwitz? When, as a society and culture, we dumb down to the point where something as horrific as 9/11 can serve as a theme for halftime entertainment at a football game, we're in far deeper doo-doo than we probably want to believe. Suggested Future Olympic Events The Kenny Javelin -- No need to describe this event in detail other than to say distance will be more important than accuracy. The Bolton Speed Mute -- In which the objective is to silence a car radio in the shortest amount of time possible when any song by Michael Bolton is played. Bad News/Good News/Bad News Speaking of annoyances and cultural dumb-downs... Mariah Carey reportedly has pocketed $28 million to not make another record for EMI. But wait; that means she'll never record again, right? No, you say, just not for EMI. And it's only a matter of time, you say, before she releases a new CD on another label that could easily include needlessly embellished, shamelessly mutated, and obnoxiously gospelized versions of "The National Anthems of the World and All-Time Holiday Favorites." My happy face is now a sad face. "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." -- Hunter S. Thompson RETURN TO APRIL/MAY 2002 MAIN INDEX © Kansas City Jazz Ambassadors 1996-2002. All rights reserved.